Saturday, December 8, 2007
Honeymoon Is Over
Well, the time has come that the blissful honeymoon stage is over and now we have to get down to business. There has been a great testing of the waters and now we have reached our limit and feel that the time has come to draw a line in the sand and get things straightened out a bit. There are no huge problems to report, but the constant testing and bending of the rules for her and not the other children needs to end. I now realize we gave too much too soon. Somehow she thinks the rules in our house do not FULLY apply to her. Every rule we have established is challenged on a daily basis and it becomes maddening. The bad part is, I don't feel like I have the energy at this point to be as consistent and strong as I need to be. I know this is what is needed, I just wish we didn't have to go down this road. What we are seeing is a 12 year old who acts like a 3 year old much of the time and yet thinks she should be treated as if she is 12. She is very bull-headed and so, we are in a place of taking away all privileges and when she earns them back one by one with obedience and respectful behavior, our hope is to have smooth waters most of the time. She still exhibits no respect for James in that she doesn't seem to think she needs to listen to him or even talk to him kindly. Most of the time she shrugs him off like a pest of some kind and he has been so patient with her. I need to talk with some other souls who have trotted down this path before and can help with suggestions and support. I need someone to say, "Your doing the right thing".
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6 comments:
You are doing the right thing. I'm sure it is exhausting, and we are praying for God to give you strength, but rest assured, you are doing the right thing.
Meg-
You are right on track! There are few rules in orphanages, so Marina is probably overwhelemed with all the rules and the fact you are there to enforce them. But, she will never grow to be a functional adult if she doesn't learn to play by the rules now. Hang in there!
Angie- FH
Hi! This is great reading about she is doing. Thanks for doing this blog. When Natasha was here we had honeymoon over in 1 week. She was doing all of the things that you mentioned. We thought she would enjoy something also and not so much. But hey we tried.
I learned to show her pictures on the internet to explain where we were going. That helped a lot.
Then the simple things she would enjoy and surprise us. Most of the time she would say NO to where we were going so we tried to keep it low key and lots of home time, which is hard when there was so much to show her.
She did enjoy the Incredible Pizza Company very much. It is a mix between Chucke Cheese and Dave and Busters. We took her twice.
And the testing of the wills was BIG. I just think everything is so new and different that they are just feeling out their boundaries. We had a lot of No's, and even some scraming of No's, along with not listening and occasionally throwing things.
You just have to be tough and not give an inch or you will get stomped all over. Hang in there. Even if she is not happy she knows that you care enough to say no.
Someone suggested that kids like this that have been abandoned want to see how mad they can make you to see if you still love them. So they will try and try to see if you will reject them. So in a way it is them asking will you still love me even if???
Hang in there. It will be worth it.
Yes, we had a lot of eye rolling and the same attitude with her with Chris. She would try to team up with me to pick on him. She really did not know how to take him. At the end it was much better as she was growing to trust him.
I hope you have a fabulous Christmas with your new family! Hang tough girl..this too shall pass and the good times and sweet smiles will get you through...
Carla
Meg,
I agree with everything Carla wrote. This is going to be a tough time when she is 12 and you want her to behave and have the heart of a 12 year old who has been with you since birth. It will take time but in the end it will be worth it. So, persevere! It important that she learn boundaries and that you stick to them. You ARE doing the right thing. Remember, God brought you to this point and He will see you through. Be faithful as a Godly parent and He will take care of the rest!
Kari
Meg, you are a wonderful mother to all your childen. Since we spoke, I hope my words helped. Consistency is easier said than done. I know that first hand. Things will get back on an even playing field after the Holidays and all the hoopla is over. Remember! Jesus is the reason for the Season and he will not give ou more than you can handle! Love to all! Merry Christmas! Nanney
This is great info to know.
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